Enabling

The word enable has a positive connotation - you make it possible for something to happen. But, more and more we hear the word used negatively, especially when it comes to parents and their kids.

I spent some time on the phone last night with a dear friend, someone who has the biggest heart that I know - cares for everyone and anyone in any time of need. I adore her and her family. And she always keeps her life on the path with Christ. She and her husband had to make a really tough decision and although I had heard a little about what they had been going through, as she told me, tears rolled down my face. It was a good decision, but so so tough. We talked about the situation and of course, as parents, how when something goes wrong with our kids, we first blame ourselves and I guess most try to do whatever they can to make it better. When they are little, it is easy to give a popsicle to your son or daughter to make them feel better after falling and scraping their knee. When they are teenagers though, when they run into trouble, that popsicle can easily turn into money, television, car, etc. You don't want to see them doing without, hurting, or upset. And here lies the difficulty - where do you draw the line? How much should do or not do? Where is the line between caring for them and "enabling" them on their downward spiral of destruction? It is so hard emotionally to see your child struggle but how much should you help? How much is too much? I don't know.

The easiest thing to do is sit back and watch someone else struggling and say that you would have done "this" or "that" and prevented the situation. It sure isn't that easy. "If they had only..." It just doesn't always work that way. Dave and I have had to deal with 5 teenagers, each with their own personalities and issues. Of course we love our children more than anything so the most difficult part has been knowing when enough is enough. How much do you give? Throughout our relationship, we have been overjoyed, proud, scared, angry, and really any other emotion you can think of. But even after all of these years of experience, we still don't have the answers and it is a daily struggle. Am I helping or enabling?

We have to remember that through it all, God is watching them. Prayer is the best method we have to protect them. When they are ready, He will be there.

We all want to see our kids smiling and thriving, no matter how old they are. But we have to let them struggle some, right? I guess everyone always want more and better for their kids. But sometimes, there just aren't enough popsicles.