When it sticks

As parents of (many) teenagers, we often wonder how much of our advice travels off into the great space beyond and how much is taken seriously. It is a great part of growing up - learning to decide what to do and who to listen to - making good decisions in general.

It feels like such a great accomplishment when your advice is taken and it works out great! It is even greater to know that even without your advice, your teen is making good decisions and showing integrity - even to other adults.

I have found that in most children events, whether it is sports or another type of club, that when trouble rises, it really isn't the kids - look closely - it's the adults. If the kids are involved in the conflict, they are just following the pattern of the adults.

Our daughter is an amazing person. She has been having to deal with things beyond her age and has really come out better and stronger for the way she has handled the situations. It was one of those times when as a mom, I wanted to get into the middle of it and defend her to the end because the other so-called "adults" were being absolutely ridiculous and soooo childish! However, she asked us to not interfere so Dave and I took the stance of supporting her while she made decisions, only giving her the advice to "rise above" the situation - be the one who behaves in the most profound way. And she did.

She came home last evening with a smile and said to us "you'd be proud of me." (of course...duh) She did not run away and hide from adversity but stood tall and proud of herself and faced it and finally, things are calming down for her in that respect. It took a teenager for the adults to behave appropriately. She behaved more maturely than any of the adults involved. She is amazing. She is smiling more now too =)

From even during my own teen years, there were those girls whose only goal was to see how many boys they could get to like them or how many parties they could attend, etc. Their self-image was so low that they needed the attention of as many as possible to carry them. Unfortunately, the parents were of the same mold..."the boys all like my daughter so that makes me popular too." That mostly led to other bad behaviors for the girls - drinking, partying, and unfortunately (even with my own niece), an unplanned teenage pregnancy. These girls were all searching for something - someone to make them feel important and loved. God was there but they just weren't looking for him yet.

Our daughter is not perfect - she is still a teenager. But, we are proud to say that our daughter is comfortable in her own shoes. She knows who she is and what she wants and she, for the most part, understands the consequences of decisions before we even say anything and even if we don't necessarily agree. She is determined (and somewhat stubborn...) Just when we begin to worry, she proves that her decisions have been well thought out and that we didn't have to worry so much. She doesn't compromise herself for anyone.

She is a teenager so we are still protective and still give the advice. It is just nice to know that some of it does stick.